It was all yellow…

It was all yellow…

            It was my second time at Coldplay concert and I thought that I could not be more impressed. Well, okay – that does not sound nice. I sure as hell knew it would be amazing, but damn. I didn’t expect my emotions to get the best of me. But this time, it wasn’t crashing sadness or heartbreak. It was pure love and happiness. Hi, Friend. Long time no speak, eh?

Lights will guide you home…

            You know what, it was supposed to be a bit different. I am finally at peace with my heart, I am finally calm enough to think about “good old days”. Back in 2017 the feelings were still brewing, so hearing “Always in my head” live, being in the front row? Oh, that was not pretty. 

June 18th, 2017…

So, when the girls and I bought tickets to the Music of the Spheres tour, I felt excited but also calm. This show was for me to enjoy it, take it all in. Without a heavy head (though my head was aching so damn much, but that comes soon), without a worry in my heart. Just us and the music. 

            Funny, how life finds a way to exhaust you to the limits and give you that goddamn virus as a bonus, though. I am so glad we are in this together, my Friend. At least I do not have to worry I am giving it to you too… I mean, if I have you, you have it too. Guess I should say I am sorry, but I see your warm smile. You know I feel like shit for putting so many people around me in danger. 

I pray (not that I pray in general, but guess that is the expression) that their immune system is so much better than mine. And here I was hoping for some good karma after this week… Sit down, Friend. I made a whole fresh pot of tea. 

Just because you’re losing, doesn’t mean you’re lost. 

            I sigh. What else could I say? It’s not like I can disagree with Coldplay. Confused is a better word. Isn’t there a way the Universe works? Like, shouldn’t we be rewarded with something amazing and beautiful after doing a good deed? Question: what mug do you want? I bought a few new ones; you can pick whichever you want.

I will have mine in that cute Winnie the Pooh one. Oh, I love them so much! My godmother brought them from Disney World in Paris years ago and they made their way home to Vandalore. 

Oh, and I hope you like lemons in rum. I found one last jar my dad got me the last time I was sick. Guess I was saving it for tough times. Oh, you chose the blue one with stars? It’s a good one. Here, let me pour the tea. 

it
Human heart <3

            Maybe I was challenging the Universe too much lately, you know? Now that I think about it… Maybe I was asking for too much, or maybe… I don’t know, Friend. It is what it is. Hey, don’t you even dare say it is all part of some bigger plan, because I am gonna lose it. 

All I know is that I love you so
So much it hurts…

            When I was a little girl, I wanted to be an actress, I wanted to have a movie-like life. Then I grew up and realized that life is not a movie and it will never be. But somehow, I keep thinking… What if? Maybe my life is a movie (since obviously I give the main character energy…) and my “big moment” is near? 

Well, let me tell you – if it is a film, it’s not half bad. I get to make my dreams come true (concerts, travels, material things because why not), I have a decent job, I do this blog… Some would say I am successful. Amazing people around me, a plan – or a rough draft at least. 

it
Do I look like I figured it out?

My head falls on the big pillow. Funny thing about this virus is, it actually makes your body heavier. Or maybe it is the general weakness, I don’t know. Maybe it is that one moment in every movie, when the hero is beaten down, only to rise up, 50 times stronger? I cannot read anything from your face. Guess we will find out soon enough. 

            We sit in silence for a minute, the gentle steam from our teas is floating above the mugs. Soft sounds of Politik are filling my living room. Hey, did I ever tell you about my favorite moments in songs? 

Give me love over this…

            Yeah, that one! I remember telling you about my favorite (though the saddest) Coldplay story, but I don’t think I ever mentioned anything about my favorite pieces of sounds they make. Like for example, that exact part in Politik

Warsaw, July 8th 2022…

Or that final part in Fix you? Gosh, the entire song is beautiful, but these final moments… Or, or in Always in my head!!! It’s my absolutely favorite song of theirs, but the way it begins is magical. It’s not only Coldplay, though. Somewhere only we know, Glory… I stop as I notice your smile.

My God, you are right. I didn’t have to tell you – this is how we talk. In song, in these perfect little moments. Holy crap, Friend. I think my life is a movie! 

If you were to ask me, after all that we’ve been through… Still believe in magic?
Yes I do!

            Well, I have some pretty movie-like moments, that’s for sure. This Monday, for instance. On my way to work, I found a little kitten hiding under the car. He was scared to the bones and to be honest? So was I. It was a split-second decision, to go back home and leave my stuff there, grab some food and a towel to get him out. 

I sense tension in you, as I feel weaker and weaker. I could use a nap, you know? But let me continue the story. I managed to get him out from under the car and safely move to my apartment. He was so tiny! I called up a veterinarian and she told me that it would be best for me to come right away. 

Little One <3

I put the Little one into a big box with a blanket and off we went. The lady was so sweet. She took such great care of him – taking out the tick and giving him medicine. Overall, he was in a good shape – just a bit under the desired weight. Took him home, knowing damn well I could not keep him now. 

I was a few days away from going to Warsaw and he could not be with other cats, so my parents’ place would not work; I also have a lot of other plans, but… Damn. I think I am gonna make time.

You’re always in my head…

            The next day, the kitten was at a “Temporary daycare for cats”. He was doing alright, he was safe. But the lady called me on Saturday and… Well, he will be home soon. I can change my plans, I can rearrange stuff, I can make time and work less from the office (like, does anyone care?). It will be tough but maybe it was meant to be. 

I was scared to look at you, because I thought that maybe I’m not doing responsible things, but I can see the pride in your eyes. What’s meant to happen will happen, right? And timing truly is everything

Closing my eyes again, I feel the warmth inside my body. Not the fever-like warmth. The “I did something good; something really darn good”. Not because I was expecting people to pat my back, but because it was a human thing to do. 

it
Little One <3

            So why does it feel bitter-sweet? Why did I keep questioning my motives, why did I keep blaming myself? Life with anxiety is not easy, especially when it takes over in the least expected moments. Like that Monday night, when I couldn’t cope anymore. 

Every step that you take could be your biggest mistake,
It could bend or it could break
But that’s the risk that you take…

            I still believe in the Universe, even though it’s a bitch. You burst into laughter and it makes me crack a smile too. What would be the point of complaining? You gently tickle me. Well, yeah for the sole purpose of complaining – sure. If there was anyone who could get Covid for the second time, it would be me.

But then again, it is not the worst thing in the whole world. Just not so great for my little world, eh? But I cannot focus on my world all that much. There are other people, kittens out there that deserve more attention. 

it
Girls

Now, how about that nap, Friend? Jeesh, if there is a sign of me not being well it is napping during the day. I never do that, even when I am dead tired. But now the comforting warmth of pillows and fluffy blankets sounds just like heaven. But maybe coffee first? Let me think about it.

She expected the world but it flew away from her reach
So she ran away in her sleep and dreamed of paradise

            I am having strange dreams lately – mainly about people I think about. That’s not surprising, the image of them is quite vivid. But these are only dreams, so I try not to overthink them. Of course, it’s easier said than done. Okay, if I don’t make this coffee now, I won’t have it at all.

Is it addiction or is it the weather? Maybe both. Do you want some or is the rum-spiced tea good for now? You shake your head and help me stand up. Relax, Friend. I am not making the mistake from the first time – no vacuuming this time. 

I still cannot believe the Coldplay concert is over, you know? It’s such a fleeting moment. Maybe that’s why I feel no remorse buying so many concert tickets. They are worth every penny. There is no better feeling than getting ready for a night full of live music.

You know you make my world light up!

            It was a much needed weekend away, you know? Without work, problems or worries. Just sucks I couldn’t enjoy it to the fullest with this virus over my head and throat. Don’t get me wrong – it didn’t stop me from singing my lungs out. 

Like I said, it was my second time but definitely not last. We just spoke about addiction? Live music is yet another of mine. I am making up for lost time, like everyone these days. And slowly, I am planning shows for next year! Hans Zimmer, George Ezra… Maybe other big names. Who knows? 

Money is so unstable lately, there won’t be a better time to invest in yourself. And you just never know, right? The Universe works in a twisted, mysterious way. Some things are meant to be and some are not – like that Star Wars Celebration even in London in 2023. 

Where’d you wanna go? How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts!

            Life is still beautiful, just getting on my nerves sometimes. But the same thing happens in movies, right? And even though we have to suffer through some of them, it’s worth it in the end. So, let’s suffer through this virus together. 

I am catching up with Buffy the Vampire Slayer but I feel like watching Stranger Things. Everybody seems to be hyped with it, and you know how I feel about hyped things. But… Maybe it will cheer me up?

I turn around to see you shutting the blinds and dimming the lights. Guess it is settled… I better make that coffee. I wish I wasn’t that girl falling asleep while watching movies, but I fear it might be my case today…

One thought on “It was all yellow…

Dodaj komentarz

Twój adres e-mail nie zostanie opublikowany. Wymagane pola są oznaczone *