July is finally here…

            July is here and I’ve been saying this for months now – when July arrives, I will be a different person. And Friend, I swear – the second the clock struck midnight, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. Magic? Manifestation? What is it about July? I don’t know Friend, but who cares? It’s here.

Little freak, Jezebel
You sit high atop the kitchen counter

            The concert last Sunday is one thing, sure. I was waiting for it… Well, for over a year – missed my chance in 2022, but you know how it is. Instant regret, my Friend. Come on, I need to finish packing for Italy as we are hitting the road on Wednesday. But this requires coffee, so let me make some for us. It’s iced season, so maybe…? No? 

But yes, this show had the potential to be the best one so far. We all know that the best is yet to come and with the recent announcement of Taylor Swift coming to Europe… I think one major gig a year is a good start. Last year it was Hans Zimmer, this year it’s Harry and now we are making plans for the future.

You hand me the mugs and we huddle by the coffee machine, awaiting its awakening. Two shots and foam, make it twice and it’s coming right up. I can see relief on your face, as if the July being here really fixed something. 

Starry haze, crystal ball
Somehow, you’ve become some paranoia

            Last year’s tour was wild and it left me physically drained, but emotionally full. Also, speaking of awakening, the final trailer for Dune part 2 arrived and it is so much more than I expected it to be. But this comes in November, whereas Oppenheimer comes out in 12 days. Yet another reason for me to cherish July even more. 

Nolan’s birthday is in July as well, which always makes me smile, considering most of his movies also come out in July. Did you know that… Wait. Wait, I know exactly what you are doing. Laughter filled the space between us, as I pushed the right buttons on the machine. You know damn well I could spend hours talking about Nolan.

But Oppenheimer will be special. Firstly, because it is one of the most important stories in the entire world, for the entire humankind. What he created, what he has done… Changed the world forever and what I am hearing, this movie is a horror. I believe it will not be horror in the conventional meaning of the genre. 

            I think it will be a terrifying reminder to what humans are capable of. Oppenheimer regretted making this weapon, and I think this could be the message that left people devastated. But I will find out soon. 

I was thinkin’ about who you are
Your delicate point of view
I was thinkin’ about you…

            Can I try your coffee first? I don’t know why, just let me make sure it’s good. You, my Friend, deserve the best. It’s good, by the way and I have no idea what’s gotten into me. In the corporate world, a lot of companies are celebrating the new fiscal year, making July 1^st kind of a New Year. 

Maybe it’s a good moment, this mid-calendar-year, to start things over. Not in a major way, because… We can agree this does not serve me. Gosh, did I just use that Gen-Z phrase? Don’t laugh, Friend. They are onto something. My coffee is almost ready, and I think we can sit on the balcony. Feel free to take the swing, I can sit on the grass. Oh, you want to switch it up? 

Do you like these little solar lamps I have on the swing? I bought them recently, to add some magic to my night-time writing. Dude, come on – they are solar, you are not going to see anything now. But speaking of the balcony, this new segment I am doing, with listening to music with my neighbors is a surprising hit. Pun intended! And speaking of, how about we listen to some music now? 

            I am obsessed with Harry’s songs these days, but that is fair, considering the show, right? Gosh, even my mum was madly in love. Gotta love artists that grow and evolve, making music that resonates with you on so many different levels… Stop looking at me like that, you’re making me laugh. “Madly in love” is just a figure of speech.

A wet dream just dangling
But your gift is wasted on me

            July is for being toxic-free, even though I am a bit tempted to be this way at work sometimes. I mean, you only get what you give, right? Who was singing that, New Radicals? Well, I pour my heart out there and most of what I get back is attitude and misunderstandings. As if looking after yourself is a crime, as if trust was given not earned. But you know what? I honestly couldn’t care less this month, and as much as I don’t like running away from my problems, July doesn’t deserve this sad vibe.

Soft hums of guitar and Harry’s voice fill the space between us, birds trying to add the backup vocals. Now more than ever I feel the fleeting nature of temporariness. Should we really care about what people think or say if these people are only with us for a minute? I think the older I get, the easier it is for me to let certain people go. 

On the other hand, I get extremely hung-up moments that carry so much hope and understanding. The instant connections, with sparks and chemistry are wonderfully painful. In moments like these, we tend to romanticize every single word and glance. I look at you, seeing that sly grin. Okay, by “we” I mean me, and zip it.

Romanticizing has one major flaw – it’s happening in your head and it’s unfair for these people. No one’s ever gonna live up to the image you have created in your head. It’s useful when I’m wiring, because then it’s materialized on paper (or, screen) and at least it contributes to creating an imaginary world. 

            Anyway, July is toxic-people free, relationship-free (the romantic ones, let’s be clear), it’s time for cherishing little moments and the best summer soul glow-up ever. I am tired of dimming my own light for the sake of being “appropriate” around people who genuinely don’t care. It’s my light. And I know damn well it’s brightening up the darkness of other souls. 

Put a price on emotion
I’m looking for something to buy

            Hey, want to know the second reason why Oppenheimer is so important to me? Your smile widens, knowing full well why. I get to share it with so many amazing people. I already booked my tickets for the 2nd time (even though Cinema City is being a little beach about it, I found a cheat…) and it’s going to be with Kate. 

And you know, I love seeing people’s reaction to something they see for the first time. I love seeing their dreams come true, and I know with Oppenheimer it’s hardly someone’s dream, but you get my point. Last week I got like 9 messages from different people, all carrying the same meaning: “I know how important this is for you, I will wait until you’re ready. Don’t want to see it without you”. 

You know how there are different ways of saying “I love you”? Like, “put your seatbelt on” or “let me know once you are home” or “I got you this because it reminded me of you”? For me, in July, it’s “I want to see Oppenheimer with you”. And if it’s your first time, then I know the love is unconditional. 

I don’t have to open my eyes to feel that you are smiling. I guess that is what life is all about, no? Having a passion, love so deep, it resonates with other people, transcends the gloom and all the downs. Once again, it all boils down to my theory that I am, in fact, a sunflower. 

Test of my patience
There’s things that we’ll never know

            And then there is our little road trip to Italy, to actually have some sun this time. Not that I didn’t enjoy our time in Naples and Ischia, the road trip idea was born there. I think both me and MM could really use this mid-year break, but then again – it’s not necessarily a good sign when you need vacation so soon after your 2-weeks-off.

Or maybe it is? After all, we have these vacation days for a reason. I look at the sunflowers on my balcony, standing taller after the storm last month. I like these little experiments; I am hoping that one day, my balcony will be a safe space for these plants. We both chuckle, knowing that this might be one of the hardest tasks in my adult life. 

I was thinking about this lately, you know? Why “gardening” and why now. And as I was biking home from my mum’s yesterday, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Mum bought me strawberries, and I put them in the basket, biking slowly not to turn them into a mush. 

And then I remembered my grandpa and his garden with sunflowers, fruits, veggies and lots of space for me and my brother to run free. Maybe this is my way of honoring him? Maybe this is why it hurts so much when I fail. And maybe, someone’s gonna save these efforts and will become my wonderwall in this quest. 

            Coffee is growing colder in my hands, but it’s still acceptable as a “hot beverage”. There is a fine line of acceptance, when you think about it. Am I on fire with puns today, or what? We both laugh, our voices mingling with soft tunes coming from the living room. I like this place, Friend. I like coming back here, feeling the warm embrace of familiarity. 

Spreading you open
Is the only way of knowing you

            Someone told me a while back that maybe I shouldn’t tell people about my anxiety and for some reason it stung me. Considering the fact that almost everyone is anxious these days, it made me think that maybe, just maybe I am a little much.

Your hand gently tickles my ankle, trying to distract me from these thoughts. I don’t really think this way, especially not in July but on the other hand, I don’t deserve the doubts. Energy should be matched and playfully challenged to take you to the next level. And lately I’m blessed with people reminding me just that. 

I meet your gaze, feeling calm and supported, as if finally, we made it to the same page. It’s amazing, isn’t it? Take one to know one. And our road was winding, and full of unexpected turns and obstacles, but not once you have doubted me. I have doubted myself, but not you. July, baby. I am telling you, it’s magical. 

            Do you want some strawberries? I was thinking we could maybe chill here until the sun barges in with its merciless heat and then we can hide in the shadows of the couch. Prime released the 4th and final season of Jack Ryan, and I feel ready to watch something new. I think it’s finally time to take a step forward, rather than stay in the comfortable stillness. What do you say, Friend?