2023: That’s all folks! 

            2023 was beautiful. Challenging, but so damn beautiful. Full of wonderful moments, doubts, insecurities and tears of joy. I discovered new places, artists and books. I also discovered myself, and that’s something that I will cherish forever. Buckle up, Friend. 2023 comes to an end and it’s time to reflect. 

JANUARY

            The ease into 2023 was quite peaceful. Few meetups with my family, an official introduction of my grandma’s boyfriend… I was optimistic and excited for the year to come, slowly planning summer vacation, places I want to see… Mentally preparing myself to see Harry Styles and Imagine Dragons. 

Mum and I also went to see Ralph Kaminski again (the way he started this concert with two songs that make me cry, always was a blow that I thought I was ready for…), and let me tell you – my mum is one of my favorite concert buddies. She knows how to handle her drink, she is a champion when you need to stand for a few hours and is always willing to hold my shit when I am shooting a video. 

And then, it was almost time for me to get on a plane to London. I mean, okay, it was really mid-February, but hey – my head was already in that dream place of mine. 

FEBRUARY

            Second month of 2023 was quite peaceful at work, though I knew I was on a path that would soon crush my soul, so violently. But for sure, the highlight was flying to London to stay there for a few days with my friends. If you’ve been here for a while, you know how much I always wanted to go to London. Never been before, and yet I feel like I belong and that didn’t change. 

And you know what? I absolutely fell in love. Monia, Michal and I had the best time in London, sightseeing, eating fish & chips, having Tom Hank’s famous (and homemade) diet cocaine… 

This trip marked the first of many “city breaks” I had this year, but if you’d ask me to choose my favorite, I wouldn’t be able to. London left a permanent mark on my bruised heart, giving me a much-needed solace and comfort. Despite being loud and big, I felt like home. And oh, these donuts at Notting Hill…

            But also visiting the Natural History Museum which was high on my bucket list, seeing the fossils and the cultural heritage, felt amazing. I will tell you more, Friend – it felt so good, it inspired me to write a film script. 

MARCH

            Ah, beautiful Spring March of 2023. Started it off with shooting my very first 73 questions and you know what? Part two is coming, SOON! 😀 But it was so much fun and gosh, being the star, director, screenwriter, editor and producer was a tough one. It took me and Marta around 8 hours to get it done, and we had the best time. And here are the bloopers to prove it.

It was a month that changed a lot in my life, because I also participated in an eye-opening training. I realized that if I lose myself, I lose it all. That was a first crumble in the facades of strength and resolve. I had no idea that the floodgates will break and I will soon find myself backed against the wall. 

I also took a significant step in my book writing process – started writing more regularly, finished chapter one and created Spotify playlists for my characters:

Kate Nolan
Maggie Jets
Sam Wayne
Oliver Stone

APRIL

            The toughest month of 2023. I swear, I found myself on the bottom of the pit of despair. And I am sure I wouldn’t survive it without my best friend and the creation of Pucz Wroclawski – what started right at the end of March. Unity in pain, despair and hopelessness… 

April at work was simply terrible. I have reached my breaking point and only could find solace in being alone, which… Wasn’t accepted by MM, who spent almost every weekend of April with me and let me say this: it saved my life, hand to God. 

The “spontaneous” crying while watching a comedy was a telltale sign that things were going downhill for me. I discovered Bad Bunny and truly found BTS. What do I mean by that? Well, you know, Friend: you don’t “find” BTS. BTS finds you when you need it most and that’s what happened with me. 

I cried a lot, especially at work. 42 times, if you want to know exactly. 

MAY

            May was the month I had my summer vacation, but before Naples and Ischia happened, Monia came from London for a while. We went for a lovely walk across the local fields of gold and spent wonderful, though fleeting moments. 

And then, finally I set my “out of office” message, saying I will be back in two weeks. We landed in Naples and stumbled across a restaurant where we had one of the best pastas ever. Even though the weather was far from perfect (Italy was battling severe rainfall which resulted in floods all over the country), we had a wonderful time.

Starting our days with cornetto al pistacchio and cappuccino, so we can then walk around the beautiful city. Because of the weather, we visited a lot of museums, including the palace where Star Wars were shot. 

            But for what it’s worth – it was Pompei that made the biggest impression on me. It felt unreal to walk among the ruins. A quiet contemplation, if you will. And to think they found another body a week after we visited!

Ischia, on the other hand, was a wonderful escape from bustling, crowded Naples. We had our favorite restaurant for dinner, and we found different places for cornetto everyday… Life was simpler. 

JUNE

            Returning from our vacation gave a moment of respire, after the carousel started spinning again. Pucz was meeting every week for a Pub Quiz, so each Wednesday night was filled with laughter and blessings. 

Ladies of the Pucz, so MM, Ksennia, Zenia and yours truly decided to go on a one-day-trip to the Czech Republic for a “walk among the clouds”. We had wonderful weather and took a shit-load of polaroid pictures that started a new tradition in my apartment. 

Then it was time for some quality time with my parents in the most rock way possible – going to the Scorpions gig in Lodz. It was my second time, but for my parents the very first and seeing my dad tear up while listening to “Send me an angel” was worth everything. 

JULY

            Extremely important month for me – firstly, there was the Harry Styles concert, which was one of the most unique experiences in my life. The crowds were insane! And, as it turned out, I was so deep in my zone (love) for Harry that I didn’t even realize how many times I said to Marta: “HE IS SO HOT, I CANNOT”. Hand to God, Friend – I don’t remember that. 

It was also my mum’s first time in Narodowy in Warsaw and on such a big show and I hope it was an unforgettable experience for her. 

10 days later, MM, her mum and I went on another Italy adventure, but this time we made it a road trip! Having a car allowed us to see Lake Como, Verona, Venice, Trento and the seaside. Tons of delicious pasta, pizza and Aperol of course. 

And then, we came back just in time for me to see the very first screening of Oppenheimer, which I ended up watching 10 times on the big screen. 

AUGUST

            August was hot and sweet, with two days of Meskie Granie (concerts) in Wroclaw, which I attended with Kate and Agata. We had a wonderful time because, unlike last year, the Meskie Granie Orchestra was amazing. 

The 8^th month of 2023 was also another big concert in Warsaw for MM and myself – this time Imagine Dragons. Going there, I expected to be blown away but I did not expect to be healed. It was another month of struggle for me, mentally and physically. Hearing Dan Reynolds saying that it’s okay to feel, it’s okay to let it go and heal… Was just what I needed. 

It was also another sign for me to seek help again. Which, in case anyone’s wondering, I am not ashamed of. People with high functioning depression don’t know shame. They are focused on solutions, which is what I tried to find. 

SEPTEMBER

            September came unexpectedly, with beautiful sunsets over Vandalore. It was our last “summer” evening on my balcony with Strawberritas. My sunflowers finally bloomed after months of uncertainty. And it was time to start planning my birthday. 

But September itself, despite the autumn creeping in on us, was good and calm. Peaceful. It was time spent with family, at various parties and for me it was time to pack my suitcase and go to Germany, to visit my family. 

It was the beginning of my 30^th birthday celebration, which kicked off with a safari (we literally drove a car through terrain where wild animals were walking around us). 

OCTOBER

            And then, on October 2^nd, 2023 we drove off to Amsterdam, to make some of my dreams come true. One of them was seeing Van Gogh’s “Sunflowers” with my own eyes. And “The Potato eaters”, “The Room” and “Almond Blossoms”. I was stunned, touched and pleasantly overwhelmed. 

Amsterdam was kind, beautiful and oh so friendly. We had the best drinks and delicious food, as the next day we set off to Rijks Museum to see Rembrandt and Vermeer. In the evening, we went off to a Lauv concert, who totally accidently had a show there, just as we were passing through the city. Let me tell you, hearing “All 4 Nothing” live on October 3^rd was just perfect timing – I love when the Universe aligns like this in my favor. 

I came back just in time for the Eras Party at Vandalore with my closest friends and one unexpected visitor – HARRY STYLES HIMSELF. Who would have thought Harry will stay with me forever? 

            It was a wonderful time and I finally believed that my friends love me for me (it’s been a process, even though I have THE BEST people around me. And it’s not them, it really was an issue with me and my self-esteem). 

NOVEMBER

            November started with an art show of the late Zbigniew Beksinski – the haunting visions of the future of ghosts of the past… It sent a shiver down my spine but it was worth it and kind of rounded up the art theme of 2023 – museums, exhibitions and all kinds of arts.

I started doing “paintings by numbers”, choosing the most difficult one: “Starry Night”. My therapist laughed a lot and I totally understood. Though my choice was not to challenge myself, it was purely because I love Vincent. 

In the middle of the month, I decorated my Christmas tree, allowing the wonderful atmosphere to cocoon me in its comforting embrace. I needed it and decided not to explain myself to anyone. 

DECEMBER

            The last month of 2023 was both beautiful and tragic. I kicked it off by meeting with my high school friend, which I see once a year, but it’s always a pleasure. For the first time, we talked about real shit, the struggles and bad things. It was refreshing. 

I returned to playing piano, knowing how much joy it brings me, started another painting (“The Kiss” by Gustav Klimt) and received very tragic news about the passing of my close friend. 

That news combined with a week of haunting nightmares was like a culmination of bad luck and sadness. I felt trapped and tired, exhausted and emotionally drained. This was the week that I cut myself some slack, for the first time in year. And you know what? It felt good. For the first time in a very, very long time I felt good about letting go and letting it be. I discovered that I do want to treat myself the same way I treat my loved ones. And for my loved ones, I would do anything, I would understand all of it.

Two days before Christmas I fell down the stairs and nearly broke my hip but it ended up on a bruise only – and I do consider myself extremely lucky. The bruises will fade (though right now they look like a little galaxy of my own) and I start being more careful and attentive to myself.

            Christmas was one from a dream – peaceful, calm, just me and my parents, watching movies and enjoying each other’s company. A perfect wind-up to a tumulus and bumpy year. 

THE FUTURE

            2023 was a year for discovery and the beginning of my healing – mental, spiritual and physical. The future looks good, because in 2024 I will focus on the things that bring me joy: playing piano, painting, doing more of the “artsy stuff”, taking polaroid pictures of imperfect moments… 

MM and I have the trip of a lifetime planned for March, so this is one of the things to look forward to. As for concerts, there is Jimmy Carr (which is not a concert, but we call it that anyway), The Jonas Brothers, Ed Sheeran for the third time and Taylor Swift. 

Each month of 2024 has something good and I decided to be more present and grateful: I will finally start my “one line a day” journal and my gratitude jar. All the little things to appreciate my amazing life a little more.

            As for my wishes for you my dear Friend and Lot… Each one of you knows what makes you the happiest. If you do know that, consider yourself lucky and cling to it. If you don’t know it, be patient. It will come to you eventually and then you will never want to let it go.