One year… First birthday. This is my 58th entry on this blog. And if you would ask me a year ago, on September 30th 2019 if I see myself doing THIS (still), regularly and with determination, I would laugh and shake my head no. I am being completely honest here: I didn’t believe I would last this long.
But here I am, with you all by my side. This is amazing! One year… What was I thinking?
I remember the struggle, whether I should do it or not. Wondering If I am good enough to pull it off. Deciding if my writing is even slightly “fine enough” to be posted on the Internet. I was absolutely terrified. First of all because I wanted to do it the right way: having a real website and all. I spent countless hours on research and “how to” guides. When I finally decided to do it, I spoke with Kate (yes, the same Kate that is one of my favorite humans and was an inspiration for Mulan review) and she told me that a friend of hers is a blogger too, that she could arrange a meeting and we could chat about it. So, we met up (all 5 of us, for board games night) and when I talked with Joanna, I realized just how much work is ahead of me.
She gave me great advice – technical advices – but it was my job to make it work. I’m pretty sure, there is still technical stuff that I have no idea about but hey – the page is working well. One headache less! And you know what? I am damn proud of myself, for building it from the scratch. Okay, I used a template/theme that was available, but still managed to put my autumn-y accents in.
Joanna also told me to keep on writing, as much as possible. At first I was like “sure, I mean… it’s not that hard, my blog will be about movies, TV shows and stuff”. But it only seemed easy. The key to sustaining an audience, keeping them engaged and interested is being regular. So, I posted “more” in the week, until I decided to release my texts weekly.
This entry is special – it marks ONE YEAR of Twin Peaks Café. Place, that for me is an assembly of all the things I love. It’s full of reviews, which are not exactly your typical movie review. It serves as my personal diary, when often I talk with my conscience or share life reflections. Lately I also wrote Travel Journal and I kind of liked it? What better way to celebrate than using quotes from my favorite films and shows?
Yes, I know. No The Office review yet!!! And I claim my eternal love for that series since day one. But it will come, I promise. There is so much to write about… The Lion King, all Star Wars films. So many “marvelous people”, who deserve a permanent spot in Twin Peaks Café Gallery. And you know what? I can’t wait to write all of this. Posting once a week is enough and it gives me time to deliver the best quality. To think about what and how, to do some research… I love this.
But it didn’t come out of thin air. In two days, my Movie Club at work will celebrate its 2nd birthday and all my work there was the starting point for Twin Peaks Café. Back in te COVID-free times, we went out to the movies as a group. And after that, I would write a LONG-ASS e-mail with pictures and a little review. And I remember, that it was Pati who said to me one time, that I should seriously consider writing for the masses.
This one grew to define me. Looking at my old posts, I see how much I’ve grown since then – as a writer. But that was, still is, impacted by all the things that happened to me. Heartbreak, human resources losses, friendship that ended and new that emerged…
COVID verified a lot. Firstly, our skill to adapt. “New normal” is not new anymore, it’s reality, day to day reality. Secondly, we had to adjust our lifestyles to be more digitized. Video-calls team meetings, online Movie Club. It took me 5 whole days to move it online and create “Wonder-Movie LIVE podcast”. Why live? Well, you know how typical podcasts work – someone talks about something for an hour. WM podcast is live, because we actually TALK! Sure, I talk first for 10-15 minutes, but then we have heated discussion about stuff.
And this is how “THIS PODCAST IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMS” happened. Another feature for this blog. Now, podcasting is fun (A LOT OF FUN) but I still must figure out a few tech details, this is why I’m not recording much these days. Once I do, I will re-upload all episodes with fixed audio! But the point is, that this was step out of ANOTHER comfort zone. I grew.
Till this day, I still do. Just a few days ago I complained to my friend that all of this… This blog, my writing, Movie Club – all pointless. How bitter of me to complain with a one year anniversary on the way. But I just couldn’t stop my brain. What if all of this is nothing more but a waste of time? Mine and yours. Not so long ago a guy told me that watching films is a waste of time.
I will defend cinema TO THE DEATH, but what if he was right in my case? Maybe I am just throwing away precious time that I have. So, I doubted. Who wouldn’t? And then I thought about it. Actually, I didn’t sleep at all just because I was thinking about it.
I worked so hard to where I am today – with my writing, comfort zones and… Well, making my dreams come true. I own that. One year!!!! It took me one goddamn year. And I will never call it “wasted time”, duck no. Sure, for some people it is more important to go outside, to the mountains or whatever. And I respect that. But that’s the beauty of it – there are so many different passions! We can share and enjoy them, but why spread such bullshit?
Wise words from a wise leader (and one of the best out there!) – just [softly] don’t. Is it really worth it? Think. Just think about it. Imagine seeing a puppy being genuinely excited about going for a walk, he wants to fetch that ball with you. Would you say no? Or ignore that tail wiggle? Tell him to shut it down, the excitement? (If yes then please, rethink your life!!!!). So, why do you care so much, one would ask.
I’m human and sometimes it’s hard for me to think logically, without emotions. Just a cold, calculated thought process, you know? Remember, I am a textbook ambivert: thriving around right people, but quiet observant when in regular mode.
Life should be about doing what we love, chasing our passions and making dreams come true. We should appreciate other people – artists, friends, strugglers, warriors – more. They need that, so much. Especially in those awful, distant times. I know that right now (at least in Poland) we can still hang out and meet, go for a movie and all but… This can change within days. And being locked-locked at home for a few months was horrible. So, why don’t we praise more? It’s easy and costs nothing. Do me a favor. Or, better – as a birthday gift, say to someone how much you value them. How wonderful life is while you’re in the world! Let’s put some smiles on!
This show is next one on my “to write” list, don’t worry. Comedic as it seems, there is a meaningful message and real struggle. This is why Glover’s creations were so easy to relate… Atlanta, Guava Island and of course his music (current, not the oldies – don’t get me wrong, I love his older songs!). The thing is – if you’ll never try you will never know.
Bottom line is that we should keep on trying. I know that Yoda said Do or do not. There is no try. And he was right, but TRYING is the first step towards DOING, correct? Look at me, lot – I tried and started this place.
Besides, think about this: when we were kids, our parents kept signing us up for different activities. For me it was dancing, karate and library duty (I LOVED spending my free time at my local library so it evolved into full time help). Hold on, I am thinking… What else? Languages! I started learning English in kindergarten. Have you ever wondered why?
It’s critical for children’s development. As a kid, you have no idea what and how and where. Your brain was a sponge, consuming everything that’s on the way. It is not enough to just think about our potential. Work on discovering it, living it, making it a reality…
One year… Decades ahead! Speedbumps are calculated in that risk I took. And that is something that my mind will have to learn how to cope with. Guess what, though? Conversations help. Pouring out my heart helps. Perhaps it is good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart – right?
Looking back at that year I can say, with full honesty, that I was 100% true. I am and will be – there is nothing for me to hide. It would be hypocrisy. Everything you read here, is true. Everything you heard about me is true! I think that there was one moment that redefined me in a way. Heartbreak is a bitch, right? But damn, how much you can learn from this experience.
Recovery is difficult and doubts are creeping in on you – was this my only chance? Is this bad karma catching up with me? Is the Universe punishing me for being… Picky? I don’t know. Probably neither, just bad timing. It happens and I’m glad it happened to me. One year later and I am finally ready to let go and move on. Actually, you know what? This is my birthday pledge.
What’s happened, happened, right? I should look up to my mentor more often 😉 The point is – we should have the right perception of what’s happening to us. Trust me, perspective is everything. That’s exactly why talking helps – your friends and family can (and will) see things differently.
Few weeks back, I had a podcast at work about guilty pleasures. And when I dugged into the subject I realized that if something brings us intellectual pleasure, we should never feel guilty about it. Watching cheesy films or goofy TV shows. Writing, having a blog and letting people call you “a blogger”. Letting them say it with contempt and pity. Because you know, being a blogger these days means only one, negative things. That’s why I prefer being called “an author”. Semantics, eh?
I just looked through the window and smiled. It’s grey outside and the rain is pouring, pleasantly banging on my roof windows. I won’t hear this sound in a few months, my new apartment has straight walls. I have my tea, my fluffy blanket and warm, dimmed lights. It’s perfect and it makes me feel happy.
I don’t regret starting this place. Not for a single second! It was one of the best decisions I made in 2019. I feel smarter (all this research paid off), more confident and happier.
With everything that’s going on right now – COVID, social distancing, being locked down, sometimes we can forget what, why, who. Starting therapy was a huge milestone in my life. This place was created thanks to this brave decision. And yes – I will be proud of it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help.
Look. Life is hard. Those times we live in are so challenging… How dare you consider yourself a failure? Why? Why would you refuse professional help? Life is way too precious. Please, I am begging you. Take care of yourself, because at the end of the day, YOU are the only one there. Friends, family – this can change within seconds. One day you think your best friend will be forever and the next day you are strangers. Not friends, just friendly. That hurts so much…
Do you really think you can take care of others, if you are not well up there, in your mind? I know it’s the longest road. But every step we take towards feeling better is a success and must be celebrated. Stigmatism is bullshit and all those people shaming mental wellbeing are just so ducking uneducated.
I am no expert and I don’t want to give you advice or best practices. All I can do is share my journey – painful and lonely. Sadly, it is something we must do alone but… If you look around, you will realize that more people share the struggle. As sad as this realization is, it’s also comforting. United we stand 😊
Lot, but I wouldn’t do it without you. All the support, comments, nice words, likes, hearts and conversations helped me facilitate this wonderful place. One year ago I though, why not. And you helped me take this first step by saying “hell yes, girl! Go get it!”
Twin Peaks Café is your creation as well. YOU made this place. Thank you. I owe you, more than one:
But that is the beauty of it, wouldn’t you agree? One year ago, I promised you a blast, one hell of a ride. I hope that I lived up to that promise… And if not, I will do better. Like I said, I grew as a writer, observer and overthinker. There is so much I want to tell you! So many stories to write. Thousands of films to review. Books, songs, TV shows. New podcast episodes to record. All with great coffee in my hand. You know, now that I think about it – my love for Twin Peaks is limitless, but when it comes to coffee… I need my milk!
Thank you for coming to Twin Peaks Café – a place where you can have a damn fine cup of coffee and some good reading. Don’t be shy, come inside. That rain looks so much better when you look at it through that big window over there, right? So, what can I get you? Pie is on the house – after all it’s a birthday party. You can leave your coat there. Go ahead, grab a seat. There’s plenty of room. Oh, that one seat is taken, it’s for the girl that opened up this joint.
She had a dream about this very café, long time ago. Almost one year, would you believe it? You can sit next to her. If you are kind enough, she will tell you a story. And trust me, she is full of long stories. I will get that tea started for you. Ginger, lemon, orange slice. Honey and raspberries, right? I will add cinnamon sticks as well, it adds magic to it…
We watched the planes leave us behind…
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