Two years later… I’m still standing!

           Two has a strong meaning, if you think about it. Or, if you Google it! Two means duality and that is the first information you actually see. But for me and you… That’s just simple mathematics: one plus one equals two. You and me. For two straight years, through thick and thin – together! It’s September 30^th, Twin Peaks Café’s second birthday. What a ride!

I’m king of the world!

           Somedays I feel that way. Other days are a bit hard, but overall – I am the queen of this castle. And this is a day when I will be proud of all my achievements here. Today I celebrate and I cannot imagine celebrating without you!

Last year I was… Surprised to be here for so long. I didn’t believe in myself strongly enough to stick by this idea but look at me now. A year later I am actually proud! Because it is huge, right? It’s so big to be here, do it against all odds! Be regular and make Sundays a thing for many of you. But before time comes for some sort of summary or overview, let’s go back to numerology.

           You know what they say about good things coming in pairs? This must be a good sign for interpreting number two in general. Or I would think that, at least.  Duality, partnership, luck – if you think of the Far East, where this number is considered to be lucky. But I was trying to place this number somewhere in my head, I was wondering if there is any meaning behind two for me. And there is, kind of bitter-sweet.

Two also means balance – often between conflict and opposition. There is moon and sun, day and night, darkness and light… Jedi much? Oh yes, that’s the sweetness. Bitterness comes soon, but I also looked up a second Tarot card (don’t judge me) and that’s High Priestess.

There’s no place like home.

           Thing about Tarot cards is that when I was a kid, I always dreamt of having a deck. Like, not to read the future or any of that stuff. I just really liked how the card looked. But I grew up and forgot about it, up until now. So, let’s see what that card means for us. If the card is upright, it means intuition, sacred knowledge, dive feminine and the subconscious mind.

As for reversed, I am totally not up for that negative vibe and since it’s a celebrational post, screw it. Upright High Priestess means spiritual enlightenment, inner illumination, divine knowledge and wisdom. I don’t know about you Lot, but I might get that dec after all! After all, being driven by intuition is how I’ve been living my life and that’s what I preach: listen to yourself, always.

           But it’s not easy to just stop, every time you see a red flag, right? Sometimes we wish to believe that this time things will be different… For once. I get it, I’ve been there a few times. But we learn from our mistakes, we learn from broken hearts. And that is the pure essence of life – learning, evolving, exploring. Even if it hurts sometimes.

Not everything is a lesson Ryan, sometimes you just fail.

           A friend of mine bought me Dwight Schrute Funko Pop for my birthday this year. That’s one of my favorite characters in The Office. Gosh, I still owe you that review, right? Two years!!!! Okay, here is a promise: write a piece about this show, by the end of 2021. But I just wanted to talk about that for a minute. And then, I promise to tell you about the bitterness in number two.

This year, the 365 days since the first birthday were rough. Mentally, physically and emotionally. Finishing up the apartment, going back and forth with the bank, exhaustion from work, lack of closure, family drama and general feeling of never catching a break. But regardless, I feel much more calm. Like deep down I know that this never-stopping train of things will arrive at its destination. 

And there were some awesome, absolutely amazing things that happened within a year! Some friendship bloomed, some faded away. But all in the amazing Circle of Life, where everyone has a role and a function. So, why be sad about it? I grew as a writer, for sure. It’s not that I am ashamed of my previous posts, never. But I see progress, which is extremely important for me. 

I just wanted to take another look at you.

           But in my family, two has a bitter ring to it. My grandfather died on December 22nd 2011. And it wasn’t a good day, especially that it happened right before Christmas. My second favorite season. I remember what my grandma said a few years later: “He loved that number and looked, there were so many that day…”. It’s been 10 years since he started teaching math up there. 

And only once I moved, I realized how much I want to take after him. Not only his medals, diplomas, old journals. He was such a good, kind person. Always put others first. In a way, he was always number two for himself. And that’s exactly how my mum is. Sometimes I wish I could be more like them. But then… Then I think that there are moments you should put yourself first. 

           If anemia has taught me anything it’s that if you treat yourself as your own number two, you will never be able to put others first. Does it make sense? I swear it sounded better in my head. But just think about it: if you are not 100% healthy, both in body and soul… How can you, with clear concinese, help other people? Took me 27 years to realize that. And who knows, maybe my grandpa would still be here. And the other one too. 

To me, you are perfect.

           I know that my writing isn’t perfect, but… Also, I know that I will grow even more! I want to write and grow, and then write even more. There is a book coming into picture, a book that has an ending already so yeah… Give me some time. But after two years I still feel the drive! There is still that spark inside and it was my biggest fear, you know? 

Probably irrational, like most of my fears but still… Fear is the mind-killer. And when the Fear is gone, only I will remain. I am not even sorry Lot, I HAD TO smuggle Dune somehow 😉 One more person to casually drop in the middle of the convo and we are golden. See, this is the spark I am talking about! Cannot let fear just take over like that, right?

Besides, I made a promise to myself. A promise that is in sync and harmony with Yoda’s wise words Do or do not, there is no try. So, I will do more. Maybe one day I will try shrimps again? Or seafood in general? Or maybe next time an opportunity comes, I will not run from love? Ah, humor based on my pain. Best one, right? This is how we learn, though. And if I can make jokes about it, I think I am good? 

You had my curiosity. But now you have my attention.

           I tried to sum up what happened here at Twin Peaks Cafe in these two years… So many good things. I have watched so many awesome movies! Almost caught up with the entire Nolan filmography, which is super cool. I spoke with Andy Weir, the author of The Martian, Artemis and Project Hail Mary – which I just started and oh boy, I LOVE IT. So funny! And so captivating… 

Movie challenge is going pretty well and the only thing currently not working is ME, having zero time to sum it up regularly. But people are doing it and my ultimate dream is to create a hard copy, something like a true movie journal. 

           I see areas of improvement in the podcasting field, but there is no rush. After all, I still have all the time in the world… And right now, I want to fully focus on writing. And if you stick around for another cup of damn fine coffee… Something great will come of it. 

So, thank you for coming to Twin Peaks Café. This place wouldn’t be the same without you – amazing friends and strangers who click on the post and read it all the way through. I wish I could name and tag you all. Trust me – your support and all the love…? Means the world to me. Actually, now that I think about it: I am not sure if I can express it with words. And I do words for living! 

THANK YOU TO: Marta M., Marta B., Monia R.(MY SERENITY SKY), Kate H., Ewa M., Mindy G., Radek D., Gavin J. Last year I told you that you made this place. This hasn’t changed! 

With great power comes great responsibility.

           For my final words in this birthday post, I wanted to… Huh, I think it’s time for a wish, no? I made myself a banana brownie and bought birthday candles. Two of them. Well, I bought more, but I need two. This, I think, is my favorite birthday tradition. Making a wish. And blowing the candles, of course. 

Now that I think about it – I never remember the wish from a year before. So… let’s assume that they all came true. Let me close my eyes and think about this year’s wish. Okay, here. Did I tell you about my dream I had a few nights ago? No? Okay, so long story short: Christopher Nolan agreed for an interview. Other things happened, including Pedro Pascal, but I want to limit myself to one wish only. Let’s not push it.

Here is my wish: I want to interview Christopher Nolan! There, I blew the candles. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that it will come true. Happy birthday, Twin Peaks Café!