Autumn is the warmest season
Autumn is coming, whether some of you Lot like it or not. You can feel it in the air; the crisp morning air, every breath is now visible and I finally feel alive. Cold, but alive. What is it about autumn? I don’t really know, but I do know this: fall this year will be special. Hey, friend. Come inside!
Just one small step inside your apartment and I can already tell it is so much you.
I laugh because it’s true. If you glance to your left, you will see a big moon on the wall. It’s a light and best 600 PLN spent, like ever. Not shoes, not a designer dress – a lamp that has a remote to change it to your favorite moon phase. Is there anything more like me? It’s September and autumn is really here. My apartment is cold, because we don’t have the heating set up properly yet.
You look around but I can’t tell if it’s awe or consternation. You look puzzled but I like it, I have a good feeling about all this or not. I see you frown at me, but that’s truly at me, not at the apartment. What? You shake your head. Following your gaze, I look at the postcards I got from MB.
My relationship with Bastille is still complicated, but Glory is an important part of my life, so let it go. Don’t you dare smirk at me, this means nothing. But you know me all too well. It means everything and I keep thinking about it a lot.
It’s okay to feel this way. It’s a good song.
You walk further in to look around. But you are not looking at the apartment, because it never really mattered to you. Not in a bad way, no. You only care about one thing – person – in the world, and I still can’t get over the fact that you didn’t give up on me yet. It’s too late to have a coffee, but I have my cups back so what do you say? Tea? With lemon, honey and raspberries, just the way we both like it.
It’s been so stressful I almost forgot I had vacation. The fact that I only posted part 1 of the travel journal says it all. I have the mental notes all over my head, but it’s a restless place. All the demons come out to play, but I am in no mood to please them.
So, they are up all night as well, being best companions. Hey, don’t hiss on me. You are still the best companion ever, and look outside the window – it’s autumn, and that is when you help me thrive. See? I don’t forget. The kettle clicked and I poured the water inside my favorite mugs. It’s silly, you know? Being a creature of habits.
It’s not stupid if it works, J.
True. That’s true, I know. But still… Shouldn’t I be in that age of making my own, conscious choices…? Okay, no. That’s ridiculous. Let me start over. My brother told me that things look similar to home. In my apartment. Like that small bowl with salt, next to the induction hub. Or the order of the cutlery in one of the drawers: knives, forks and spoons. And the long latte spoons, the ones I use for these mugs lie there as well.
I need to stop. Sometimes I think that breathing is a luxury. I keep forgetting to do it. I know. How does one forget to take a breath? It’s mechanical, something we don’t think about. It’s a habit. But lately I feel like I am holding my breath more often. I love my brother and he had nothing wrong on his mind. It’s me taking it the… Not the flattering way…
What I am trying to say is, I deliberately made my apartment feel like… Home this way. I keep things familiar, so I don’t drown in strangeness. But yes, I will go with your words: if it works, it’s not stupid. It can’t be! And so far, all these little things that are familiar are working wonders for us. Right? You feel like home here too.
You worry too much. I think we are doing great here.
The water turns brown-ish in a calming way. There is something I like about transparency as a… Matter? You can shape it into whatever you want. You smile, because that is very autumn-like though. But I can say the same about the fog settling in “thin air”. You still haven’t looked around. Your expression tells me that you don’t need it.
Because it feels like you’ve been here, long before I even moved in. You know this place better than I do, and… I turn my back on you for just a minute, to gather my thoughts. Do you want this marmalade in your tea? My mum found it in a shop, and it’s really good. It has lemon zest! I know it kind of doesn’t make sense, since I will put lemon here but… I stop in my tracks, hands frozen above the tea.
Treasure hunt. That’s what you have done here. After all, you are the mastermind behind everything. Your laugh fills the kitchen. This sudden realization hits me like a train, but at the same time – I am weirdly calm. It’s not like I forgot where I put stuff around here, right? I was the one finding the place for all my things, I know the layout inside-out.
Took you a minute, but I am proud you figured it out.
We took the tea “to go” and sat on the balcony. Well, we do the squat because I don’t have the chairs yet and it’s too late to sit on the swing. Take a look at that balcony to the left. The guy next door seems like a cool person. He has so many flowers! And oh, those colorful lights, so pleasurably dimmed. In silence, I look at my heather flowers. Next spring, I will make this corner cozier.
The tea steam is flying up and I find myself looking up for heaven. Am I waiting to be buried, friend? No. I see your grin in the darkness. We are far from that. This is the time to feel alive! Well, let’s not be too crazy, though. It’s a “school night”.
You know, I sometimes forget how darn smart you are. It’s not that I underestimate you – not making that mistake ever again. It’s just… I was so busy, trying to do things right here, I shifted my focus onto Vandalore. Oh, shut the heck up. The name stays, it’s dope. It mixes the street name with my favorite Star Wars planet. Well, one of.
Okay, okay. Fine. So, where are the treasures?
Multiple! Cool. I don’t know but I suppose you won’t tell me either, eh? That is fine, though. That would betray the true purpose of the hunt, right? And you know how much I love a good Easter eggs hunt! So, what should we call it? “The Great Autumn Search For…”
For all the good things about me. The things that I thought were lost in the newly started adulthood struggle. This might sound silly to some, but it is a big deal to me. It’s new and as much as I like new; it’s also scary. And well, new. I sigh, because in my head it sounds much better. And then I smile, because you are in my head all the time, so you know exactly how it is supposed to sound.
I think one of the treasures was the feeling of control. I am not a control freak, no. But being here, now makes me feel at the top of things. And these things work the way I want them too. And it’s wonderful, it’s the kind of freedom everybody misses at some point.
I said that autumn is the warmest season, yet we sit here in the cold, arm in arm with tea in our hands. But my heart is warm, as if the blood it’s pumping is hotter. Can the heart flush? Like red-red, like the cheeks?
I don’t know, bruv. I think it can. Why? Who flushed your heart?
Just asking, out of curiosity. You are the brain, so you tell me. Is that possible? I think it is; after all your heart always knows first, right? That one beat that just skipped? That’s when you know. Besides, it’s autumn. So, the heart needs the extra heat.
We sip the tea at the same time, like the twins that we are. Never separate, even though you sometimes act like a stalker. I know that you are creeping on me, but I don’t dare to do a thing about it. I promised I will take care of you, so I took a long bath today. Got myself an orange-chili bath bomb and the water was hot for 30 minutes.
I was listening to Hans Zimmer and realized that last Sunday was his birthday. He deserves to be a part of Marvelous people gallery, no? That will come next week, I think. But then again, on the 30th of September, we have a 2nd anniversary to celebrate! Can you believe it’s been 2 years already?
You did it. Again! Another trip around the sun with this place.
We did it, really. You keep me sane, or insane if I need it. Having you as the mind is truly wonderful. Does it look like I’m talking to myself? No, I am speaking WITH myself. I am listening to myself. For the first time in ages, I pay attention. And I think we can call it another treasure. Somehow, I feel you hid more for me to find.
But yes, 2 years is something I never dreamed of when I started writing. But you know what? I will take it. And I will take all the following years, and decades until I don’t feel like doing it anymore. Because as long as it keeps people smiling and gives me what I need… It serves its purpose.
Twin Peaks Café is awesome. And so is autumn. Tea is almost chilled now, so we better go back inside. I already had my autumn cold, so I don’t wanna go through that runny nose again. Besides, I have things to do, treasures to find. You hungry? I feel like…