When caged birds get to fly…

              When I am in this kind of mood, I tend to go mute, silent and away. Not distant, not going behind my walls, just… Contemplating in silence. You know, Friend… It’s been an interesting 3 weeks. Both in terms of things I’ve done, seen and what is currently happening in my heart. Buckle up. Let’s make some tea and talk. 

3 a.m., wide awake again
And you come to me, though you never leave

              One major update, I cannot drink coffee AGAIN… Honestly man, how long is this gonna go? I gotta tell you, I stopped missing it. Am I morphing into a British person who only drinks tea? I don’t know, but I decided to listen to my body fully and with proper attention and if it wants tea, tea shall it get.

I got this new blend from Sri Lanka that smells like chocolate and cookies, but it is a regular black tea. It’s truly lovely, want to try it? As the water boils, I look out the window. Autumn is truly upon us, and I decided to put my Christmas tree up already. Why? I miss the cheer. I know it can be tiring for some (my friend is a supervisor in a café and I can imagine how dreadful this season is for her), but my heart yearns for this.

And when the heart is yearning… There’s not much that can be done. It’s interesting how completely autonomous hearts can be. I know, it’s not like I’ve re-discovered a wheel with that statement, but you get the point. 

Sometimes, when I’m awake at night
I think about it, the story of you…

              But most of all, it’s funny. I pour the water into the Christmas mugs and soon the cookie-hazelnut aroma fills the air. When was the last time you had tea like this, Friend? It smells of comfort and safety. It smells of home. And it instantly made me want to bake chocolate chip cookies, but once again, my body was like – sure, but you won’t eat them because suddenly you cannot eat sweets.

I suppose that one is not as bad, really, but my body is giving me good signals and I am proud that I am actually in tune with all of it. So, no coffee, no sweets and obligatory naps every afternoon. 

When I think about it, it’s not really all that weird. Autumn is the season of change and since Pluto is moving into Aquarius, leaving Capricorn after 16 years… A huge transformation that is particularly tough on highly spiritual beings, which I consider myself to be.

When caged birds get to fly
Does anybody ever question why?

              The tea is ready and we cozy up on the couch. You know,tThe past three weeks have indeed been interesting, both because of what was happening and how it all made me feel. 

That trip to Brussels was not on my bingo card for 2024, but I think the most unexpected things make the best memories. When Sean told me he got Bastille tickets for me, Marta and himself, my heart exploded with joy. At the same time, I felt this kind of… 

I can feel you staring, Friend. You know how I feel about Bastille’s music and this album is truly special. It feels more personal and more “connected” if you know what I mean. And when that happens, the heart goes crazy. Because that kind of connection transcends space and time. 

Sometimes, when I’m awake at night
I think about it, the things that we lose too soon…

              These past three weeks were very introspective for me, I did a lot of shadow work and gained an amazing perspective on my life… Some of the prompts were hard, some of them were funny but the main goal, I think, was achieved. 

Autumn is a season of letting go – just like the leaves are falling on the ground, in order to bloom back in the Spring, I decided to let go of toxic patterns, people and situations. Was it tough? Well… Not really, because it’s for mutual benefit, really. Why pretend something is working and trying to fix it, when first of all, it’s not broken, and second, it’s no longer serving any of us? 

We both take a sip at the same time, thinking when was the last time we both were so open with each other. I might actually become wiser with age, you know? Hey, don’t laugh. 

4 a.m., so we talk again
Slipped your heart in these hands, broken soul, hallowed land

              My heart is in a temporarily constant state of yearning. But not in a sad, sappy, rom-com way, no. It is the kind of yearning travelers get before going on their next adventure. 

Maybe I should say it’s more of a call, a call from within… But yearning is more poetic, don’t you think? And I like when I am being so poetic, I am a writer after all.

Oh and speaking of, I came across a wonderful thing recently, called “common placing” and do I have a new cute notebook for that? Yes. Loved the idea from the start, as it is a method of collecting and organizing knowledge, ideas, or quotes for personal reference and inspiration. Very popular in the 17th century. 

              So far I have only quotes and recipes, but baby steps, right? I cannot wait to fill this notebook up and then have another one, and another one… I do like my notebooks, you know? And I am glad I finally found some use from them.

I think about things that we lose too soon…

              Because when you think about it, I was collecting notebooks but never had any purpose for them. I was kind of afraid to ruin them? If that makes sense. But last week on a work call, Lucy said something amazing, in the context of a work task, but it struck a chord in my yearning heart: it’s actually harder when the paper is blank…

And that is so true, isn’t it? The first steps to fill out any page is scary, terrifying even. But by no means does it indicate that the notebook will be ruined. By now we all know that “pages” and “notebooks” and all of that is a metaphor, right? 

We both giggle, because the poetry part is really going on strong, right? Hey but when it works, it works, eh? The point is, I feel the shift happening, and I don’t say it lightly. Is it really the end of the 16 years-long karmic cycles and stepping into a better life? 

So long alone, our shadows cast in stone
Every version of you, the ones I’m told, the ones I knew

              This feeling is new, it’s weird and somewhat unsettling, but perhaps this is how it’s supposed to feel. All changes have that underlying feeling, right? This kind of unsettlement, the anticipation of the unknown. 

You can feel it in your gut… Or, as Galadriel said: “The world has changed. I see it in the water, I feel it in the Earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it…” Gosh, I really should get to writing another part of Guide to Middle-earth, right?

And you know what? I like the idea. Maybe not necessarily to forget completely, but just close that chapter and move on completely. Let go of the past, and set free in order to step into something better, and maybe even more exciting. 

              Ah, I got really philosophical, right? But that is exactly how the past three weeks made me feel. I sit in silence a lot, but the silence is not really deafening. It’s enlightening, peaceful. 

Wrapped in lace, paper crown
Wonder of you still, have you found firm ground?

              That tea blend is really magical. And honestly, I do not miss coffee this time. Maybe this is how things feel for now, maybe that is the healthier option? I am embracing that little change in preparation of something bigger, more impactful. 

I honestly cannot wait for Christmas, you know? To spend that time with my mum (dad will be at work, sadly), to get rest, catch up on movies and shows with her… And to start a brand new notebook for 2025. I don’t know what that notebook will be like, and if it even will be an actual notebook, but I am ready, now more than ever. And for the first time in a very, very long time, I am not freaking out about it. 

Now, what do you say, Friend: wanna try some Christmas tees that I bought myself last week? Or do you want to try some hot chocolate in this cute as heck DIY penguin mug I painted over the weekend?