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Spooky season for the soul

Spooky season for the soul

             Spooky season is fully upon us, with falling leaves everywhere, the colors changing around on the trees and you can just feel that crispness in the air. The crunch under my shoes, the warmth of a flat white in my hand… Yes, autumn is here, and it is all kinds of spooky.

Please picture me in the trees
I hit my peak at seven

             Hey Friend, it’s been a hot, long minute, eh? Come on, let’s go for a walk while the weather is still so absolutely beautiful. This might be the real golden autumn, no? We walk in silence for a moment, the coffee in my hand is still warming up my palm. I have a strange relationship with coffee lately. At home I only drink black or… Get this, grain coffee. 

There is something spooky about it, because it takes me right back to the years when my grandpa was still with us. I can clearly remember his mug, with strawberries on it, but not the cute modern strawberries, no. These old school ones, the kind you can find on a fine porcelain. 

happy Jules

And he would have that grain coffee, black, every morning and every evening. And so lately, I take my coffee either black or grain. But above all, I am kind of switching to tea these days. A cup in the morning, strong, black and hot. And in the evening? I make my sleepy tea, with chamomile and other calming ingredients.

Sweet tea in the summer
Cross your heart, won’t tell no other

             So that flat white is an exception, is what I am trying to say. Don’t give me that look, it doesn’t mean anything, okay? It’s just coffee… And preferences change, that’s all. Maybe I am maturing, finally. Or maybe I am just ending and cutting off things that are no longer serving me. 

One would think that coffee with milk might not be a significant thing to cut off like that, but for someone who’s been drinking it for years, I feel like I am saying goodbye to a big part of my life. Okay, by now you probably realized I am no longer talking about coffee, right? I mean, I am, but not only.

this was sooooooo fun to paint!

Autumn always was the season of change, and I can finally feel it in the air this year. Not only because it’s my birthday season (and that always is spooky as hell!), but because I can finally see some changes happening. 

Feet in the swing over the creek
I was too scared to jump in

             Perhaps it’s all the shadow work that I am doing now every day, and I must say, it’s really something else… The introspectiveness of this exercise is truly something else, Friend. I am giving myself a well-engineered space to look back and just take a long look of appreciation. Not regret or shame. Because after everything, I am still here, learning and growing. 

Now, what’s spooky in this is that it really seems to be working. Letting go has never been easier, Friend. A year ago having black coffee would be simply unthinkable and now? Not a problem at all. Hell, it actually became my preference.

spooky
patterns are my fav things i swear

             And you know what is the best, Friend? Drinking my coffee black makes me feel so much better. Lighter. And I guess that’s how leaving behind toxic things, people and relationships should always feel like, right? 

And though I can’t recall your face
I still got love for you

             It should feel like you don’t miss it. Hey, okay – I am having a flat white now, but let’s agree that coffee was a good metaphor and we can actually move above it and call things by their names for the purpose of this conversation. 

At some point in life, you stop missing people, things, places. Is it bad that you don’t miss it? Well, no. These are your feelings, Friend. No one should tell you how to feel and why. The leaves are crunching under our boots as we wander around the city parts I forgot exist. 

spooky

It’s quite unusual to wander around like that. I am known for choosing THE ROUTE ™ every time, but since we are being introspective today, why not? Let’s be tourists today, in this beautiful city. Who knows, maybe we will find some mind blowing cinnamon rolls? 

             Your eyes are drilling into my soul and I am not sure if that is spooky or not, but I do know that you mean well. Astrology says that the 16 years of karmic cycles are ending in the middle of November, and yours delulu truly is all in for it. We all know what is happening in the middle of November, right? 😉 

And I’ve been meaning to tell you
I think your house is haunted

             It’s been a minute since I’ve felt so good mentally – for sure the med change is a big factor here (and I feel no shame in that, because I am taking care of myself <3), but also things working out on the professional front are helping a lot. 

It feels like I can finally be myself with people who actually appreciate it and more – they celebrate it. I feel so much more free and creative, like I can finally spread my wings in their full glory.

It is such a nice feeling to have that space to realize all of my ideas and see how they grow even bigger than I initially thought! For the first time in 6 years of my professional journey here, I feel… Fulfilled. Well, maybe not like it’s my final destination, but I have that sense of accomplishment and I feel it’s only gonna grow. 

And… I still have space to do things after work, and not do them to keep myself sane, safe from losing my mind. Art is no longer just an escape, it’s actually a hobby I genuinely enjoy. Watercolors, embroidery… These little projects bring so much joy! I no longer need to treat them as a life line… Which is such a huge relief. 

And I think you should come live with me
And we can be pirates
Then you won’t have to cry

             We made it to the river bank and I had to squint my eyes to see a bit clearer. Speaking of proper spooky, my girls and I are going to a… Well, kind of intentionally, to a Halloween party on Thursday. I bought tickets to see The Exorcist (my journey with classic horrors begins, I think…), and after the movie there is a small party at the theater. 

So yes, getting fully into that black-and-orange, cinnamon-sprinkle mood this autumn. And it feels good, though, well, as we have already established, it is a bit spooky. But spooky is good, as long as it is measured well. Just like change. 

Come one, Friend. I think I know where we can actually get some decent cinnamon rolls. Because we know, the only ones that are truly worthy are the ones I make at home… 

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