Let it snow!

            Snow is falling all around me and it gives me this childhood throwback. Since this is my first “adult” snowfall at Vandalore, I really feel like a kid again. And oh man, we all should get that feeling every once in a while! It’s magical and it comes to you worry-free. Hey, friend. How are you? Enjoying the snow?

Since we’ve no place to go
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

           December is in almost full swing now, so what do you say if we take it out? Come on now, I have so much to tell you! Let’s go, we can take our coffee to go, like we always do. We can even do snow angels. It’s been years, really! Last year I was your Santa, so how can I best it this year? Personally, I think that Elves are the real MVPs. I mean they really do all the heavy lifting, right? Your laughter fills the air. Every year brings new theories. But when it comes to Christmas… It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

As you know Friend, I started watching Christmas movies way before the first snow. It was the second week of November, when my parents hung the all-year lights in my living room. It’s a 28-meters long string that goes all the way through my living room, hall, stairs and kitchen. The special blend of coffee fills the air. My mum got those beans, and it’s festive marzipan and gingerbread. Even coffee tastes like Christmas! But the lights, yes. Ever since I saw that at my brother’s place… It was magical.

And for sure set the mood. Vandalore at last felt like a home to me. Christmas-themed covers for cushions. Plushie reindeer and his friend the dwarf – found their way to my shelves. How can you NOT watch Christmas movies?! Netflix just released a new movie, Love hard. I watch you get dressed for the first December cold. I am as excited as you are – after all, we don’t know this neighborhood all that well.

           We go outside to see a little trace of steam escaping our thermo-mugs. Left or right? Back home we always took left to head to the forest. Now? It’s not that easy. Let’s go right, there’s more snow there, and less people. It’s pretty crowded here, right? That’s the downside. But hey, at least I can call it my place, my little corner in the world. Which is still something that hasn’t quite sunk in yet. What do you think, Friend? Will it ever go away?

But if you’ll really hold me tight
All the way home I’ll be warm

           Snow scratches our shoes and I look down at your sneakers. Really? It’s December. But I can’t blame you for the eternal sunshine in your heart. After all, I am the ever-golden autumn, right? We pick up the pace to avoid getting cold. So, I watched that film and found myself longing for that distant Christmas romance. I wanted to snuggle by the fire, I wanted to be kissed under the mistletoe. Your silent agreement breaks my heart.

Because that’s not the real me. I don’t want to spend this joyful season on moping around, chasing something so unbelievable. Something so… Fake. Unreal. Christmas movies are fun – full of snow and happy endings, but the one thing that is true in them? The snow.

Hey no, let me explain. I will not turn into a grumpy Grinch, I promise. As much as I would love to relive that kind of movie-like happy ending, that’s not how real life is. And that is completely okay, remember? Because there is no such thing as perfect. And that is the one thing all Christmas movies have in common – they are perfect.

           We passed by a lady with a cute little dog. She calls him Elvis and he wiggles his tail with happiness. Remember Friend, if there is a dog that wants to be petted, you must always pet it. This is the universal rule. I wonder if this is the first time he saw snow. Do you remember that feeling? Or the first time you saw the sea? Touched the angry water?

It doesn’t show signs of stopping
And I brought lots of corn for popping

           Hmm? Oh, you want me to explain more? Come on man, who doesn’t want all that Christmas-fueled love? It’s magical. The lights, the snow, the coziness. But just because I don’t have it… Does it mean that I should be grieving about it? Nah, stop it. It is a waste of a perfectly wonderful life. We reached the crossing and I still don’t know which way to go. Let’s continue onward.

Last Christmas and the one before I was bitter… And so unappreciative. God, I can’t! We take so much for granted – like family. They are “always” there, right? But what if they stop? What if they cease to exist… So what my mum will be trying to feed an army. And my grandma will complain a lot. Maybe we will even fight. But at least we will be together for Christmas.

Now that I live alone, loneliness is something usual. Not bad, not the best – but it’s there and instead of making a demon out of it… I will face my loneliness, I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the loneliness has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

           Frank Herbert was a true champion, no? But these words are something to live by. You can readjust them for your own use and… I stop and you realize that after a few steps. I wanted to say “try”, but… Do or do not. There is no try, right? Does that make it a little bit more clear? We are not getting any younger. And it’s not like we’re getting SO old already, no. But these toxic thoughts are holding us back. Even if you don’t realize it.

Why should he worry when he’s nice and warm?
His gal by his side and the lights burn low

           That marzipan coffee does the trick, right? It’s one of my favorite candies. My dad always brought the long marzipan… Sticks? Bars! Oh, I was the coolest kid at school with these marzipan bars! I remember tackling the walk to my school, half buried in the snow. It was so new… German candies. Ah, amazing. But you know, everything comes with a string attached.

Every other Christmas, my dad had to stay at work. So technically speaking, almost half of my Christmases… My dad wasn’t there. I mean sure, he then came home for New Years but… Something was always missing. This is why I don’t ever wanna be that bitter me. But it’s not like I would change myself, no. I needed that realization, that moment of clarity.

So, who am I to complain and be ungrateful? I think that is why so many people love Christmas movies, Friend. They are perfect, and so are the families there. And you know what? There is perfect and perfect for me. And even though my family is far from perfect… I would never change it.

           Hmm, I think if we turn left here, we might get back to the main street. It’s funny how snow makes every street look the same. And that is the beauty of it, right? Maybe snow is that catalyst that makes wherever you are a tiny bit like home. And maybe that’s why, when it melts I feel so nostalgic. I remember when I was a kid, looking out the window to the square under the kitchen window, I was amazed. Trees and benches were covered in that white wonder.

He doesn’t care if it’s ten below
He’s sitting by the fire’s cozy glow

           See how much wisdom you can get from Christmas movies? You chuckle which is a heartwarming sound. If you look past the kitsch and cliché romance stuff, there is true value – to appreciate what we have and the form it was given. I mean, we cannot choose our family, right? Not the one we are born into.

Besides, where would be fun in that? It took my parents some time to understand that I will never outgrow Star Wars or most recently Star Trek. So why try to change me? Even the romances aside, my mum said to me that maybe instead of a guy, I should get myself a service dog?

That comment cracks you up and I cannot resist smiling as well. I know they want the best for me, but it’s what THEY want. Not what I want or what I need. And for now, I am fine being a single fun aunt, man! The world needs aunties like that, trust me. But is the world ready?

           We reach an empty field. I think they will build a big store here, but until they do… I declare this the Snow Angels Field. I promised, right? Just be careful. You don’t want to get sick and I am still not 100% healthy. So, let’s keep this between us, alright?

As long as you love me so
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

           We lie in the cold, thin snow. That doesn’t feel the way I remember it. But maybe because it’s the first snow of this long and dark December? I am not sure we can even move our arms, because we will reach the mud. And well, that would be super unpleasant. But we can stay like this for a minute. I don’t feel the cold yet, do you?

People pass by us, only raising their eyebrows. I guess these are the people who lost the inner child somehow. You want to tell me that you see an empty field with untouched snow and you are not tempted? Suspicious. Don’t get me wrong, but wouldn’t you call it weird?

The calmness comes in an easy wave on me, somehow making me sure that everything will be okay. This Christmas will be the best one ever. Gosh, am I just turning into a real adult? I turn to look at you, but I can’t read anything from your expression. Alright then, keep your secrets. Now that I think about it, there are different definitions of Christmas movies, right? For my mum it’s always Harry Potter. For me? Star Wars (am I doing my annual re-watch? Of course!). So, what would be your wisdom, Friend? Okay, you can tell me but let’s get up before we freeze our asses off. 

Let’s go home. We have a tree to trim! I cannot believe it, man. It’s my FIRST tree ever. Okay no, com on – you know what I mean. It’s happening! Oh and hey – we have to bake the Christmas cookies, so I was thinking… Oh. Overthinking, right?