10 best bits of the decade

                While everyone is working on pop cultural summaries of the decade (don’t get me wrong lot, I am working on that too!), I decided to share with you 10 most important bits from my life. Moments, that changed me, shaped me into who I am today.

                Let me just get some tea and we can get started. Oh, and maybe let’s put some music on? As you may know, December is for me Star Wars month, so… Here you go: Star Wars theme (classic opening, I know)  Rey’s theme, Your father would be proud, You are a Mandalorian, The Spark. As for the tea- my mum got me a tea advent calendar this year! Can you believe it? Jeez, when I was a little kid, there were only those calendars with little chocolates, that weren’t ever real chocolate but I still loved them. Calendar I got this year is from this shop and I absolutely love it. But wait, I was supposed to tell you about the tea I am having right now. It’s simple – earl grey with lemon, teaspoon of honey and drip of raspberry sirup. Have you ever read P.S. I love you? There is this beautiful quote about tea: “Oh, the wonders of the magical tea, the answer to all of life’s little problems. You have a gossip and you make a cup of tea, you get fired from your job and you have a cup of tea, your husband tells you he has a brain tumor and you have a cup of tea …” Ain’t that right?

                Today I was escorting my mum to the hospital, she has a surgery tomorrow, and when we were getting ready to go, I asked her about Top 10 pop cultural events of the decade. While we were talking about this, I though that sure, it will be nice to sum up movies, music, TV shows and what happened in the world those pas 10 years, but… Why don’t we start with a smaller world? I don’t want to brag really, it’s more of a… Hmm. Rewind. Look back on what happened and how it changed me. So, are you ready for this stroll down the memory lane?

                For the record: it’s a random order. Everything listed here was equally important to me.

1. National security studies at Military Academy of Land Forces in Wroclaw (2012-2017)

                Ahh, what a blast that was. Ups and downs of course, but this for sure were nice 5 years of my life. Not necessarily the whole “national security” thing (although I liked it back them, I wouldn’t pick that field again), it was more about the people I met, including my best friend. I got to know a lot of teachers who pushed me into the right direction – scientific conferences, publishing papers, getting out of my comfort zone. The best part about the teachers is that we still keep in touch. I still go to conferences (now as a part of organizing committee), I still write (not scientific stuff, but hey ?) and I still smile thinking about those times. As for my friends… Some friendship ended, some are blooming and some were completely unexpected. Time of my life? Oh, for sure a great one.

2. The Lion King Musical for my 18^th birthday in Hamburg (30.10.2011)

                On October 4^th, when I came to the kitchen for breakfast, mum gave me an envelope from my godmother. I thought it’s just a card – it was (still is) a tradition after all. And if you know me, you know that I am a sucker for birthday cards (actually, perfect gift for me is this set: card, flowers, balloons. Yup. I love to keep it simple!). But then I saw this printed card with short sentences: Hamburg by day; Hamburg by night and… I saw a picture from the Lion King, and I knew. Few months earlier I was visiting my aunt and we saw musical’s commercial in TV.

This was my dream, my life-long dream. I couldn’t believe it!!!! When I arrived to Bremerhaven, where my family lives, I was still in shock, it was so surreal. We checked in into to fanciest hotel in Hamburg, went for dinner and DRINKS cause why not. We had Cuba Libre in a club. Like a night club. I was so happy!!! Musical was a cherry on top. I remember that we had seats in a first row on a balcony, right in the middle.

                I remember, that when the lights went off, my eyes filled out with tears. I remember, that when I heard first seconds of Circle of Life I started sobbing so bad, I could not control it. And when my aunt asked me what happened and if I’m okay, I said that it’s the air conditioning making my nose run. Dumbest lie ever, but she only smiled. She knew what it means to me. The musical itself was breathtaking, absolutely marvelous – even though in German. I knew every single line. When it ended, she bought me a Pumbaa plushie and a mug. I still can’t believe it.

3. OneRepublic gig in Warsaw (02.11.2014)

                This concert started it all. OneRepublic is the band. The. Band. My first serious gig with my friend Monia (who, by the way is also a blogger and you should check it out). It was a tour that advertised they newest album, Native. Which, I absolutely love and it’s one of those albums that have no bad song. Now, what is a bad song anyway? It’s a wrong use of expression. Native have no song, that I would skip. I listen to the whole CD, every time. Feel Again, Something I need, Au Revoir, Counting stars, Burning bridges…

And everything else. The gig was great and like I mentioned – it was my first time. I loved the atmosphere, the people united in love for the band, singing ever line of Good life or Secrets. And hearing my all-time favorite song Apologize? Wow!!! What a crushingly overwhelming experience. I loved every second. And I knew, that I want to feel that way more often. I can’t even begin to explain how live music makes me feel. Thrill of getting the tickets, the choice – floor or tribunes? It’s an entire decision making process.

Then getting the transportation tickets, hotel, taking leave at work, counting down days and finally – when that day arrives you just can’t stop smiling. If you have tickets for the floor, and let’s say it’s summer, at 10 am you’re already there, waiting for gates to be open at 7 pm to get the best spot. If it’s winter, you’re there 3 hours before the gig. No mercy, I know. But trust me, it’s worth it.

                And you’re inside, waiting to see your dream band. Or an artist. Or a composer. You’re there to feel their music, listen to every word, sing your heart out, cry because it’s happening or because they played that one, special song. And maybe they played it just for you? And when it ends, it only ends on paper. You carry on, you go back to the hotel analyzing every single song, every line, every melody. And that way, it stays with you forever.

I feel so blessed, that I could watch all of the musician I love: Imagine Dragons, Bastille, Coldplay, Queen + Adam Lambert, George Ezra, P!nk, Vance Joy, Ed Sheeran, James Bay, Bon Jovi, Bryan Adams, Sting, the Scorpions, Take That, U2, Lenny Kravitz, You me at Six, Enrique Iglesias, Maroon 5… And there is so much more to come: Paul McCartney, Elton John, Westlife, Keane and… My childhood dream: Hans Zimmer.

• 

• 

• 

4. Birth of my godson (28.04.2015)

                Now, this is a very important milestone. Becoming an aunt, a godmother to this boy was one of the best things that ever happened to me. He is such a bright, intelligent and happy kid! I can’t wait to show him the world, to take him for a concert, for a speedway match, to take him to the movies. He already fell in love with The Lion King, so part one is done ? I want to be the best example for him, I want him to know that he can always count on me. I can’t wait to introduce him to world of superheroes, to world of Star Wars… It’s an adventure of a lifetime.

• 

• 

• 

• 

5. Heartbreaks.

                There were few, but you know hearts can be broken in various ways. While I’m still recovering from the last one, I look back at all the boys I “loved” with a smile. Each story ended with a heartbreak but each was also a valuable lesson. I still haven’t found what I’m looking for (pun intended), but at least I know what I don’t want. I’m really tired of playing games, dancing around and constantly trying to figure out what the other side means or wants.

It’s a nice game to play for a short time, but I think I became a “straight shooter”. Let’s be honest with each other. Say what we mean and what we don’t want. Let’s not hold back, let’s stop waiting around for a perfect moment, there is no such thing. Create a moment. Make it perfect. Let’s be brave and take a leap of faith.

6. Getting a tattoo (24.05.2019)

                As a teen I told my mum that I want a tattoo, but I won’t make one unless I’m 100% sure what I want it to be. And for a long, long time I didn’t know. I was thinking about an arrow. Strangely, I didn’t think about getting a Star Wars ink ? And one night I hit me so hard, I was stunned. Like, it was so obvious!!!

The Lion King. You know what they say, the darkest place is under the candle. This move means so much to me. It’s a long story and I will tell you all about it one day, but… I knew that this will be a great idea. The Lion King defines me. I am very proud of it. And yes, I’m glad it will be with me forever.

7. Saying goodbye to my cat (30.05.2019)

                My world was a better place with him in it. Despite all of the bites, scratches, eaten flowers, despite not being able to move on a Saturday morning, because he was laying on me with no regards of me wanting to pee, despite waking the whole ducking building up when I came home from a party… My life was so damn good. There is not much that I can say. I miss him every day and this pain will never go away. 12 years and 11 months. He was so brave in his last days and all he wanted was to be close to me.

I was working form home to take car of him, and he was sleeping all day on the armrest of my couch. He had no strength to jump down, so I had to help him. And my heart was breaking. We tried to save him, we tried to cure him. But it was too late and he was suffering. There was no other way. I know that he is in a better place, I know that he is not in pain anymore. He took a big chunk of my heart with him. And you know what I am keep telling myself? He lives in you. He does. And he forever will.

• 

• 

8. Starting a therapy.

                Yes. Not a lot of people knew about it, just the closest one. But I reached a certain point in life where I realized that I am… That I’m not doing so well. That I struggle, more than ever. I realized that I need help, because I would never want to be in a position, where I’d think that I have no choice, except… Yeah. I know I’m strong and that I seem invincible. But we all seem that way. People rarely show weakness.

Why? It’s okay to be sad, to be hurt or vulnerable. It’s okay to be weak. To rely on people, on friends, on psychologists. It’s okay to ask for help. The problem is though, that sometimes… We don’t ask for it, because we are used to being the helpers. We help everyone, but ourselves. But… What help am I going to be to others, if I can’t help myself anymore? What if all my self-help mechanisms stopped working?

What if… I could go on and on, but that’s not the point. I’m proud of taking the first step and happy that I met someone who showed me that this is the way (Marta, I love you 3000. If it weren’t for you… I have spoken).

                Taking the first step and booking a visit is hard. But once I stepped into the office I felt a bit lighter. Like someone took the weight of the world off my shoulders, even if it was just for a moment. Getting some things out of my head and heart was purifying. It is different say what’s bothering you to your friends or family, because they are emotionally attached. Psychologist is a stranger with fresh pair of eyes. You don’t know each other, you don’t judge each other. You have a conversation, that puts everything into completely new perspective. It’s healthy.

I know that there is a long road ahead of me, but I’m glad I took the first step.

9. Saying goodbye to my granddads.

                Loosing them both was very hard. Loosing family is a tragedy, not gonna lie. No one is ready for it and no one can be fully prepared. And when it happens, we often think about the things we could have done. Like I could take those picture of entire family my granddad asked for. I regret this so much. He just wanted to look at us from time to time, when he woke up. Or before going to sleep. Or I could help out more in my other granddad’s garden. Or I could…

The list never ends. I owe them so much! I was such a happy kid when I was around them. I know that if they could, they would give me the worlds. One showed me what speedway is (along with my uncle, who is kind of like a granddad to me), the other showed me how to care about your loved ones. They were my number one fans. I hope they are proud. I wish they could see what I’ve become. I would like to tell them, that it’s all because of them.

• 

• 

10 Starting this blog.

                I was struggling whether to do it or not. If it even makes sense, if I’m good enough, if anyone would read it. Would anyone care? What if people hate it? What if I suck? Yeah, that’s how it looked like few months ago. And here we are, lot! I’m still doing it and it’s a therapy for me. Writing about movies, about tv shows, about my life… Telling you stories. I want to be remembered. Not famous, remembered.

Doing this, starting this blog was a leap of faith but also a personal progress. Getting out of the biggest comfort zone there is – letting you into my head, heart and soul. Unlimited access to me, a terrible overthinker. I don’t regret it. I’m proud as hell. And grateful to anyone who stops by to give it a read, leave a comment, share a story.

Thank you.

                Believe, so much more happened over those 10 years, but I think I got the best out of it. And looking back, I’m happy. I really am, how my everything  turned out. Speedbumps will happen every once in a while. But I believe that every story has a happy ending. I hope that good karma will come back around, soon. There is so much more to come, lot!

My life is like a speeding bullet that just hasn’t hit the target yet…