32 for 32 – new chapter beings

32 on October 4th. I am officially starting another chapter in my life, and this time, it’s not just another year. It’s something bigger. Greater. Bolder. Mine. And for the first time I feel like I am in the right place, and the timing is impeccable. 

And if you’d never come for me
I might’ve drowned in the melancholy

I didn’t get myself a birthday card, but I found this retro one, I think my mum gave it to me, blank. She knew I would like the picture. And she was right, I did – so I decided to save it for someone else. 

Save it for someone else – that was such a typical thought of mine, to always put myself on the back burner… To not even blink, just do it, as if it was deeply rooted in my source code. 

There’s nothing wrong with caring about others, with giving them 100%, as long as there are days, moments, hours, minutes, where I give myself that same 100%. And this part of my code has been malfunctioning for years. 

So as I stepped into these new digits, 32, I had a little talk with myself and it came out better than expected. People will stop being pleased… 

You dug me out of my grave and
Saved my heart from the fate of Ophelia

It’s been brewing for a while, and it’s time I pour you all that cup of tea. I can offer you a sprinkle of wise words as well: You’re not supposed to know your worth, because the moment you know your worth, everybody panics. Because once you know it, you’re kind of unstoppable. When you stop people-pleasing, people will stop being pleased. And that’s okay.

Curious what I wrote on that card for myself? I will share some of these wishes, because maybe they will inspire you to step into your power: To meet love that feels like home. To write words that move people. To honor rest as much as ambition.

Simple, obvious and extremely powerful when thought of while blowing the ikea tealight on a piece of apple pie. Typical of me to not have any birthday candles, but have 150 mugs with a back story of their own. 

To laugh until I cannot breathe. To write a poem that makes ME cry. To dance more – in kitchens, at concerts, anywhere. 

And so much more that is deeply personal, romantic, intimate, and not for everyone’s eyes. Because of that card, these wishes made me realize something: My energy has now become a rare commodity. A luxurious good. Not everyone can afford it and not everyone can have access to it. And if your supply got suddenly cut off? 

I think you already know the answer. Don’t feel bad though. Cutting some people off is easier than you think. And it is personal, it is very personal.

I swore my loyalty to me (Me), myself (Myself), and I (I)

But personal doesn’t always mean horrible. Soul-sucking. Sucker-punch. No. It should feel like puzzles finally clicking into place. You were poisonous to my energy so I decided to cut you off, so I can keep it clean, like stardust. 

People come and go, and there’s always a reason for both. I am grateful for every person I decided to cut off, and I will not apologize. I won’t explain. It’s just the life of a showgirl. 

To forgive myself quicker than I stumble. To kiss someone and feel the Universe pause. To drink more tea in the candlelight. 

Ah, year 32 was beautiful, full of reflection and epiphanies. Realizations. Less mistakes and more informed decisions. Quiet moments with tea warming my hands and burning my lips. It was a year for poetry, books, journals… Gratitude. 

The eldest daughter of a nobleman
Ophelia lived in fantasy

Because how fucking lucky I am to have this life? To have the most amazing friends. And family. I could ring these 5 people, 5 constants, 5 brightest comets up, in the middle of the night, and they would be awake, walking me off the edge. 

Don’t need more. 5, 6, 7 is enough. It’s more than I could ever ask for – because it’s solid gold. My greatest immaterial possession, pride and joy. I am so damn proud of my friends. Family actually, because as cheesy as it sounds, they are my family. 

How lucky am I to experience my life with them? How lucky am I to be able to go to concerts, see movies, write poetry? The luckiest girl on the planet, the most grateful one. 

32 and I feel like I am in the best place in my life. Twenties? Twenties… I used to call them horrible, miserable, because I felt this way for the majority of them. But now that I think about them, I smile fondly. I’ve made so many stupid mistakes that cost me my peace. My sanity. And some people I don’t even remember now. 

Come with me, when they see us, they’ll run
Something wicked this way comes

No, my twenties was the perfect time to make all of the possible emotional mistakes, bad investment of my feelings and generally feeling lost and stupid. 

I have all that behind me, I gave my youth to all, free of charge. Free of expectations, and I was left with nothing in return. So when I tell you I have the best extended family, I tell you the truth. Because it was them picking up the pieces and gluing them together with gold. 

So now each of my battle scars has this pretty little shine to it, because come backs are meant to be glamorous. 32 and beautiful, wise and finally, really, truly knowing what I want. And what I fucking deserve. 

They stood by me before my exoneration
They believed I was innocent so I’m not here for judgment

32 and feeling like all of the things are coming to me, not at me. 32 and knowing exactly where I belong, and what crowd to surround myself with. Fans. Surrounding myself with fans, because if your friends and family are not your biggest fans (and vice versa, of course), then what’s the point? 

I remember this beautiful quote from A little life:

“You won’t understand what I mean now, but someday you will: the only trick of friendship, I think, is to find people who are better than you are—not smarter, not cooler, but kinder, and more generous, and more forgiving—and then to appreciate them for what they can teach you, and to try to listen to them when they tell you something about yourself, no matter how bad—or good—it might be, and to trust them, which is the hardest thing of all. But the best, as well.”

And it hits the spot, doesn’t it? 

I salute you if you’re much too much to handle

As much as I love writing love letters to others, here’s one to myself, for my birthday: 

My dearest Jules,

Happy Birthday, sunshine. Today, I pause to celebrate you – not for what you’ve achieved, not for what you’ve yet to create, but simply for who you are. A rare, radiant soul who brings light even when the world feels heavy.

You’ve grown into someone strong, soft, curious and brave all at once. You’ve survived heartbreak, uncertainty and doubt, and still you choose to wonder. You still open your heart to magic, to love, to the possibility of more. That is your superpower.

I love the way you care so deeply – about words, about beauty, about people. I love the way you seek meaning in the small signs – penguins, stars, numbers – because it proves you still believe the Universe has a secret language just for you. And it does.

I am so proud of the woman you are becoming. You no longer shrink yourself. You are learning to hold your own hand, to look into the mirror and say “I am enough. I am already the love story I’ve been waiting for”.

So here’s my vow to you: this year will not be about waiting. It will be about living. Dancing under the stars. Drinking tea with joy. Writing words that move. Laughing loudly, crying freely, loving boldly.

Because you, Jules, deserve every beautiful thing you dream of. And more.

All my love,
Jules x

You were dancing through the lightning strikes
Sleepless in the onyx night
But now the sky is opalite

I cannot wait to come back here next year and tell you all my amazing adventures. I mean, of course I will be coming here more often, don’t get alarmed, but just… That post one year from now? Celebrating the end and beginning of another chapter? I am already jiggy with excitement. 

Because it will be absolutely beautiful. Magnetic, super-charged and dazzling. Happy! Fuckign mind-blowing. 

But for now? I am starting this October with peace in my heart and no migraines. Clean slate. Clear head. Laser-focused vision. So, here’s to me: Finally stepping into my main character era. It will be fucking epic.